Rules of Engagement

The rules listed here are not in any particular order. They are all equally important. It is also important to point out that these rules are neither complete nor absolute. These are simply the rules that I’ve learned thus far. I have never been very good at taking advice, and so I’ve learned every one of these rules the hard way. As I Write about these rules I will link them to their appropriate blog posts. If you decide to employ these rules in your relationship I suggest you take on one at a time and practice it until it's second nature. when you try to change everything at once you're doomed for failure. Not to mention she will get very suspicious.   

Learn her

Notice that I did not say learn “about” her. Learning about your wife or future wife will only give you a superficial idea of who she is. And you can’t cheat at this. You have to make a conscious effort when learning her. This means actively listening and observing her in every environment and setting you can without being intrusive. Without first knowing her everything else is a waste.        

Make mistakes

It might seem counter intuitive to make mistakes in your relationship, but the mistakes you make don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Your reaction to, how you hand and what you learn from your mistakes are what matters. So while this rule does not give you the ability to do whatever you want it does put things in perspective.

Never reward her for your bad behavior

This is one of those lessons that took a lot of time and frustration for me to learn. It’s all about the power of suggestion. If you get her flowers even once to make up for a mistake on your part she will always wonder what you did the next time she gets a gift. But chances are that you and/or other men have trained her to expect gifts with bad behavior. So let her know that from now on you will only give her a heartfelt apology with the promise that you’ll try harder next time. She will love you for it. And the next time she gets a gift from you she’ll know it’s from your heart.

Be creative

When any relationship enters stagnant waters it is a bad sign no matter how great it was in the past. We can’t all be creative but we can always do what others have done that we have not. You don’t have to reinvent the moon here. If your creative juices aren’t flowing than ask a friend, check this blog or ask the almighty Google. Just be creative whatever you do.

Take time for yourself and let her do the same

Remember when you were first dating and you couldn’t get enough of each other. Well that has changed or soon will. My advice here is to get a hobby that doesn’t involve your wife. Those bits of time spent apart will give you something to talk about other than how your day at work was. And remember she needs her space too. A night out with the girls for her will often reward you both more than you think. I shouldn’t have to say this but if one or the other of you can’t trust the other to go out alone then you both belong in a different relationship.

Be honest

It has often been said that honesty is the best policy. But when it come to love honesty is the only policy. This does not mean you should go and tell your wife everything that you have ever done. Some things in your past are best left alone. Just so you know when my wife reads this it will raise some questions.

Prepare yourself

Being prepared in your relationship is more important than for a boy scout. When a boy scout isn’t prepared he doesn’t get a patch, but when you don’t prepare yourself for and during your relationship you might find yourself alone and wondering why. I plan on writing about this quite thoroughly because it might be the most important rule I have learned.

Listen to her

Most women are interesting in the way they communicate. Far too many times I failed to hear what a woman was telling me because I didn’t listen. It can be hard as a guy to get all the little hints they give us, but when we try to form context around what they are saying those hints become much more clear. Listening isn’t something you learn from a class or weekend seminar. It will take you an entire lifetime to learn how to listen to her effectively. But once you start listening the learning curve will shallow out fairly quickly. You just have to want it.

Be yourself in all you do

Often times when we want to impress someone we exaggerate our good qualities and try to suppress our bad ones. If you do something like open the door for her while you’re dating and it’s not something you really consider important chances are she will one day wonder why you don’t do it anymore. By being yourself not only will she love you more but her love will come easier. Women have an unnatural way of eventually seeing through our shit.

Lessons learned from one woman don’t always translate to another

When I learned this rule it hit me like a ton of bricks. I actually thought at one time that there was some magic formula to understanding women. But every woman is their own mystery and must be learned individually. This does not mean you need to start from scratch every time until you find the proverbial one. There are many constants we will learn along the way. Just remember that your little quirks that one woman can’t stand will be another woman’s foundation for loving you.

Please feel free to comment on this page as you see fit. I would really like to hear how these rules have helped you and if you have more rules I haven't learned yet. But I also look forward to your criticisms. Together we can make this much better and informative.